It has been said that truth is often stranger than fiction. Well Fifofus and I have discovered something stranger than either.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
As you may have heard on the news, mysterious spheres have been appearing in living rooms and yoga studios across the planet, and no-one knows where they come from. At first they were thought to be yoga balls conveniently designed for the organic plastic set to stretch their cold pressed backs upon. That was before my highly esteemed research lion Fifofus and I unearthed the amazing answer to this mystery.
Be prepared. This is so amazing that even in Amazingsville (a triple flavoured village in neo-politan California) where amazing things happen at breakfast every morning without even flinching, when they heard this news, all were amazed.
As you know, it all started with the overnight appearance of a suspiciously silver sphere in our lounge.
Investigations as to the spheres origins had been going on for several days. NASA scientists, prompted by the suggestions of some of my clever readers, had been monitoring the water levels in our kitchen sink, trying to measure the gravitational field of the suspected celestial object. The neighborhood has been evacuated as the army search for a nearby sun or star that must be acting as the nucleus of the objects orbit.
But this was all taking too long – rapid action was needed, so this morning I descended the stairs in full combat gear, consisting of twelve avocado sandwiches and a fresh dog.
“We’re going in tonight,” I announced grimly to Fifofus who was waving to the dog.
“Going in where?” said my lion.
“We’re going to descend to the surface of the object in my spaceship and ascertain once and for all whether it is a planet or not,” I declared dramatically.
“But it’s gone,” said Fifofus. “Look.”
I was stunned. He was right. The living room was empty, except for a sad speck of silver paint on the door frame.
“Mr Hippy from the attic sold it for £5 to one of his yoga students.”
“Whaaaaaat?” I was mortified. I was so depressed I had to eat all of the avocado sandwiches, except for the most of them that Fifofus gobbled up first.
“Delicious,” he growled. “We should go on expeditions more often.”
I called mr Hippy down from his attic to explain.
“This man really needed it,” he said. “He’s a preacher who preaches about different gods coming from different cakras. He wanted to open his navel cakra and his heart cakra, and this planet is supposed to do that, so he wanted to buy it. How could I refuse?”
“Well you have to go and find another one like it. Look, we’re all equiped to explore its’ surface. Fifofus is real disappointed. It’s his first interplanetary expedition.”
We already had a new batch of sandwiches ready. Fifofus was very excited. I was not of course – I’m always cool, calm and collected because I am a yogi. Just as we were about to set off in my ‘Laws of Physics Violator Twelve’ spaceship, capable of shrinking to any size in the cause of science, Fifofus jumped back in fright.
“What’s that?” he cried, pointing to the hall doorway. “It’s a wolf – look – there’s its’ tail. Go and look Dada.” He hid behind my left knee.
Nervously I approached the doorway, armed with only half a sandwich. The wolfs tail was in fact a broom head – the broom had fallen out of the cupboard.
“It’s Ok Fifofus – it’s only a wolf-broom – quite harmless.”
Fifofus had to come and sniff it and bat it with his paw before he was convinced it was dead.
I didn’t blame him for being scared. He is only a small lion.